by Rob Hueniken on Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Celebrating a father’s birthday can bring out many emotions and thoughts, especially for adult children. Most of us get to experience our father for a long period of our lives, from being Daddy’s little one through to Dad seeming somehow smaller. For each of us, those days in between say a lot about how both we and our fathers matured and learned along the way, and what has stayed at our core.
Every family has tough times and good times, and each person has moments of weakness and excellence. Birthdays are a natural moment in time to reflect, maybe forgive, and hopefully appreciate.
I believe that each man wants to be a good father. There are men who become fathers and struggle in the role, and there are men who never become fathers. But given the chance to be a good father, I believe that each man wants that as part of his life — to be part of a family which he helped create, nurture and protect.
I have been fortunate to have my father be a big and positive part of my life. He has been a part of my school years, my marriage, my careers, and my own family. We love each other dearly, and we both know that.
One of my father’s philosophies is that things will work out. When I was younger I misunderstood his confidence for him not wanting to delve into the details of my life. But now that I am older, I see that his confidence in things working out had vital and powerful forces helping it become true: we all kept trying hard and being kind.
The phrase “things working out” can have a different meaning for everyone. If we are fortunate, “things working out” has little to do with things we buy or tasks we work on, but instead revolve around the knowledge that we are loved. After everything in life has been boiled off we want to be part of a family or community that helps each other, and cares about each other.
For every man who has confidence that things will work out, you have the core of a good father.
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by Rob Hueniken on Tuesday, September 29, 2009
One of my favorite people is a friend who challenges himself in many fun and interesting ways. Whether it is acting on the local stage, shooting video, or leaning into the wind on a motorcycle or sailboat, this is a person who participates in life.
He is also a very caring person, and works as the videographer for a hospital — a role in which he sees many of the poignant and challenging moments of family and personal life. He takes people’s concerns very seriously, but is also quick with a smile. He cares about people and knows that being friendly and considerate goes a long way to making people’s lives better.
Whenever I see him he greets me exuberantly with a smile and a hug, and I feel very much a part of the joy of the moment. He is a true friend and I am very appreciative of his presence in my life.
Because I know him well, I also see how he tries hard through his own times of pain and challenges — to keep moving — and that makes me respect him even more.
He told me recently that his aging dog often needs to be let in and out of the house, and so he installed a doggy door. A family member warned him that “skinny drug users” might take advantage of the doggy door — a thought and image that made my friend laugh, and resulted in a promise that he himself would test the door!
So the latest time we gathered at my friend’s house he showed us the doggy door, and almost before we knew it he was on the floor and out through that little hole. “The trick,” he said, “is going through on an angle.”
As any engineer or child will tell you, if you want to move forward you’ve got lean forward. We do it every day when we walk, which is actually controlled leaning. Standing still means standing straight up. Moving means leaning, and leaning means being on an angle and a bit off balance.
We can’t all fit through doggy doors or ride motorcycles, but there are lots of things that each of us can lean into — that we can learn and share and do — to make lives better, for us and others.
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| Going through life on an angle. You have to lean into life to move forward. |
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by Rob Hueniken on Monday, September 28, 2009
“Alone, on my own, no-one’s there, and I’m scared” – these thoughts should only happen to each of us once.
Our first moment of feeling that we are doing life on our own should be our last. When our parent hugs us that first time should be the start of a lifetime of knowing “I am part of more.”
People need people. People love people. People love being with people and it shouldn’t be a peep-hole but a full view, with laughter and singing and hands helping — together. That is what people love. That is what people crave. That is when people shine.
Even those who seem to be distant want someone to be closer.
Take everything that we have ever owned and balance it against friendship, hugs and working together. Distill the lifetime of a person to its purest essence and you will find the joy in relationships. You will find people caring about others. People caring about you.
We are all different — that makes life interesting. But we are all the same — linked by a web of friends and co-workers, of shared interests and efforts.
We can’t turn everyone in the world into our friend today, but we can make a start — by reminding each other with a smile or a helping hand –
We are all connected.
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