One of my favorite summer flowers is the garden geranium, with its beautiful, summer-long color. It is the type of flower that you can count on, week after week, month after month. With only a bit of watering, and some essential pruning, they will continue to make your life brighter.

Growing up, our family hung white pails of red geraniums from the trees along our laneway. They were a cheerful sight for guests and part of the colorful backdrop for my early years.

What I didn't know then is that it is the pruning of geraniums that keeps them looking so wonderful. Yes, they'll survive if you just water them, but after a month they'll have a browning collection of old flower clusters — masses of former glory — that stifles the growth of the new blossoms.

On a geranium, removing the old flowers is easy. There's a single stem that holds each cluster, and you can quickly break off the old bits with your fingers.

But unlike flowers, when it comes to people's lives, former glories can be hard to prune away and leave behind.

Each of us has memories of great moments in our lives — our successes and our achievements. They were the times when we came out on top, either on our own or as part of a team. By the time we are adults, there can be all sorts of glory days to remember: Sports victories, school successes, business coups, art show ribbons, as well as outrageous but successful exploits of all types.

Memories of our past victories can be great fuel for our lives, giving us confidence, and reminding us that we can do it if we really try. They can boost our reputation, and help us reach new and better goals.

The problem with glory days is that they can become less of a trophy and more of an anchor, dragging us into the past. The change occurs when we stop using our previous successes as fuel for our future, and start thinking that either our best days are behind us, or that we can rest on our laurels.

A big part of moving forward with our lives is changing our focus from me to us — from our own victories to shared successes — from "I can do it" to "we can do it together." 

Life's best moments, for people of all ages, are usually the times we share. They are the times we are together, helping each other, and bringing our personal strengths, feelings and knowlege into play. Life's great times are when we are sharing the task and the fun. Sure we want to get things done, but it is the sharing of community that makes life special.

For many people, the years of competitive school, sports and work environments have left them thinking that their contribution time is over — that they haven't got what it takes anymore. But while youth does give an advantage when it comes to running a touchdown, people of every age can be a part of important projects, including social and community efforts.

And while it is true that it takes money to live, there is much more to life than money — and almost all of the really good things in life start with a smile and an offer to spend time with someone, helping.  Which would you prefer to say: "When I was 20 I won a football trophy" or "Later today a bunch of us will be helping fix up the community centre"?

Whatever your age there are opportunities for you to help make our world better, and for you to become happier.

Our glory days are still ahead — and we are going to share them.

Bruce Springsteen, in his song, Glory Days, talks about the problem of living in the past: Now I think I'm going down to the well tonight and I'm going to drink till I get my fill. And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it but I probably will. Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture a little of the glory of.  Well time slips away and leaves you with nothing, mister, but boring stories of glory days.

Be a part of your community. Find ways to share your strengths and time on projects that matter to people.
You will find there is great joy in helping others, and that our glory days are still ahead.

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"It takes as much work to climb the wrong mountain as it does the right mountain," says Brian Warren, the Founder of KidsFest. In the same way that KidsFest helps low-income children achieve their full potential, each of us needs a reawakening, and a fresh commitment to truly living our lives.

In our busy world there is always a lot going on — not all of it good for us or in line with our personal goals and values. Living in a culture of plenty can open a lot of doors for exploration and personal fulfillment, but it can also be a source of distractions and confusion. Up close, as we scramble over boulders, different mountains can look a lot alike.

When in your day do you have a time for calm and quiet introspection? When is that "me time" for restful musing, when you can turn down the external and get in touch with your own thoughts and feelings?

Think of it as Purposeful Pausing.

Only three generations ago there was no TV and only one generation ago there was no Internet. More people lived outside of cities, and could easily connect with both nature and quiet moments. Grandma's rocking chair wasn't just for knitting — it was a place for understanding, planning and wisdom.

Nowadays, people rarely spend time sitting quietly. There is always a screen to look at, and a buzzing deluge of semi-interesting "other news", telling us things we rarely need to know, and trying to convince us to buy things we rarely need to have. While our global awareness has brought both benefits and obligations, the paths we each walk and the mountains we each climb still need to be the right ones.

It has almost become alien for us to sit quietly — to take the time to just be us, and to know our own thoughts.

One of the biggest problems with TV and the Internet is that they never let us get bored — we can hover just a breath above boredom, flipping the screen and chewing through our time.

Contrary to belief, It is actually good to experience boredom, because boredom is a powerful motivator. People don't stay bored very long — they find things to do, and thoughts to think.

The next time you are by yourself, alone with your TV or screen, try turning it off. Get comfortable and take some deep breaths. Relax and let your own thoughts reign. Just "be".

See what some quiet contemplation can do for you.  You'll be surprised what a bit of "me time" can bring.

When we pause and look around, life can come into perspective.
When we pause and know ourselves, we can distinguish our dreams from those around us.
When we pause and focus on the value of life, love and compassion come more easily.
When we pause and remember important moments, our goals become clearer.
When we pause and recognize the help we have received, we want to help others.
When we pause and are honest with ourselves, we can be more appreciative and forgiving.
When we pause and reflect, our time is better spent.

There is a lot of hard work required for life.  But there are friends, family and people to help.

Just make sure that you know your own goals — that you are climbing the right mountain.

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We see fire hydrants every day, fortunately not often in use. But there they stand, along our route and near our homes — silent, patient reminders of our shared commitment to safety and community.

The fire hydrant, or "fire plug", dates back to the 1600s, when fire crews would prepare a water source by digging deep into the ground to reach the water table. Afterwards, they covered the well with a plug, so that they were ready. When a fire broke out they'd remove the fire plug and use a bucket brigade — a human chain — to move the water to where it was needed.

Fire hydrants are a great example of how previous problems can lead to not only solutions but commitment to our shared success. While no-one wants to experience such trouble up close, knowing that there is a chance for relief and support can give us all confidence and security.

Recently I saw a truck with two new fire hydrants, on their way to being installed. Like much of the infrastructure we depend on, including our electrical supply, the strength of fire hydrants is hidden — supporting what is visible — built on the endless river of human experience, ingenuity and compassion.

While each of us has our own walk in life, it is good to know that our families, friends and community are there to help. We are each other's bucket brigade. We are the strength around us.

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Back in the days of wood heating, the fireplace was a central and essential part of the house. Stoked and prodded, fire was a bright orange source of heat, and a strong reminder of our shared interests in warmth and community. Atop the fireplace, on the mantle, was always something of personal meaning to the family, be it a family portrait or a treasured heirloom. Chairs were positioned around the fireplace, and it was a focal point that drew us together frequently, to talk and share time.

Nowadays, most homes are heated thoroughly and invisibly by a furnace or baseboard heaters. No-one has to stoke or carry wood, and we can each be comfortable in our own rooms. More often it seems, we are on our own, with our iPods and screens. Without direct fire we are safer now, and the warmth is easy and assumed. Its cost comes in the bill at the end of the month, and the more subtle loss of shared time and discussion.

On a recent visit to my parent's home my Mom had changed the fireplace mantle display. An elegant vase from my childhood held long stems of spring buds and bull rushes. Entwined through it all were soft, pink flowers. On its right was a beautiful woman, dressed in soft grey with a matching pink umbrella, enjoying the nearby flowers.

The starkness of the dark brown bullrushes stood out against the muted shadows on the wall, and it struck me how easily we can separate ourselves from nature and community. In their native environment, bull rushes grow in swamps, and wet feet are guaranteed for their collection — or would be if it were us collecting them. More often these days the colors of nature are filtered through our screens, and not so much entwined, but engulfed, in the determined marketing of everything. There's a lot of pulsing, dynamic color to be seen on our screens, and no shortage of actors' interpretation of life.

But here in my parents' home, bull rushes and porcelin ladies stand together, as we sit and talk and share.

People are wonderfully adaptive and strong — surviving almost anything and flourishing whenever possible. I love art and the freedom and creativity that our culture encourages. I know that people gather, as they always have, to share time and stories — to meet and to fall in love.

But let's not lose our sense of subtlety — our joy in calmness — our appreciation of being together, full of subtle warmth and color.

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I started going Paleo a month ago, on the advice of my fitness trainer. He loaned me a good book, called “The Paleo Diet: Lose Weight and Get Healthy by Eating the Food You Were Designed to Eat“. The key words in that title are “Eating the Food You Were Designed to Eat“. It’s a phrase the sugar/salt/fat merchants will never be able to claim.

It’s a refreshing change that has me feeling good, and appreciating good food.

Over the past month I’ve had a lot of successes:

• I’ve learned there are lots of tasty and satisfying ways to serve meat and veggies.
• I’ve discovered it is easier than I thought to leave the blandness of potatoes, bread and rice behind.
• I’ve found that not only salad bars but sandwich shops are fun places. Ask for a bowl instead of bread!
• I’ve rediscovered how delicious fruit is, all by itself.

And without even trying I’ve lost 6 of the many extra pounds I’ve been carrying around.

Yes, I am happy to be going Paleo !

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One of the most important milestones in a person’s life is when we learn to walk. This usually happens around 14 months of age (not at “one year” as the round-things-off folks tend to say to worried young Moms). While crawling lets us move around the room a bit, it was only when we started to walk that the doors opened to the horizon and to our futures.

In our earliest days of walking we are always with our parents, as they show us the world nearby. Hand in hand, we are guided in safety. We get to see places that service our family’s needs, such as grocery stores and gas stations; and we get to see entertainment venues, such as playgrounds and friend’s homes.

But the first time we walk somewhere on our own is the real start of our journey of life. It is exciting! It is eye-opening. It gives us power — to be able to choose where to pause and where to look.

And as each of us learns, walking also requires care. When we walk we are choosing our destination, our direction, and even each step. Each of us has been en route, and wondered if we really should be going there. Each of us has paused en route, to make sure we are on the right road. And each of us has stepped on glass or stumbled on rough ground. Those are moments of being aware — that we are on the move, and needing to take care of ourselves.

Out on life’s roads there are many opportunities and pitfalls, encouragements and distractions, friends and villains. We learn, through our own experience and others’ good advice, to make progress.

For most of us, life has many journeys — some long and some short. Sometimes we complete them — to fanfare or with personal satisfaction; and sometimes we change our plan, or get forced off the road by events within or beyond our control.

What we learn is that we can’t make progress without goals and determination. As Lewis Caroll, author of Alice in Wonderland, said: “If you don’t know where you’re going then any road will get you there.”

It can be hard to know what to do with our lives. There are many choices, and our society douses us with competing demands and noisy voices, from the media and people in our lives. It can often seem easier to go with the crowd’s ideas — to follow along. But we are all individuals, and unique, and our path through life must be the one for us.

I remember being in my second year of a Biology program, and all around me were excited students deciding to apply for medical school. It would have been easy for me to get wrapped up in that goal, and for a week or two I considered it. But after thinking about my own feelings of life as a doctor, with its long hours away from my family, I knew that path was not for me.

It was a classic example of the benefit that comes from calm, personal assessment and awareness. It helped me understand that we each need quiet time, to pause and consider.

We also know that life brings new situations, and those can lead to changes in our path and destination. Sometimes, when we are in the middle of a storm, it can be very hard to know where we are, let alone decide if we need to change directions or even start a new journey. This is when it helps to be honest with ourselves, aware of our feelings, and open to good counsel from someone who cares about us deeply.

Life can be better when we have both personal determination and a willingness to share our heart and feelings with trusted companions.

Sometimes we cannot see what others see, because we are wrapped up in our own thoughts, concerns and history. We might see a tangle of trees in our way, while someone else — with a different vantage point — can guide us to the edge of the forest.

Sometimes our path is solid and we need stay on track, while other times — particularly when we are hitting repeated roadblocks — we can help ourselves most by letting a caring person help us — to understand where we are right now, and to see if it’s time for new choices.

For those who feel depressed or anxious about how their life is going, I offer two great encouragements:

1) There are people who can and will help you, if you let them. You probably already know who they are.
2) And a quote from the movie, Vanilla Sky: “Every second of your life is another chance to turn it around.”

No matter what mis-steps you’ve taken in the past, you can move forward with one good step.

As we wind along our crossing paths, the people we meet are all moving through their lives — on their journey to enlightenment and, hopefully, joy.

We are all travelers, moving through life, taking one step at a time.

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The sky is amazing.
Trees are amazing.
Animals are amazing.

And we get to experience them.

Life is amazing.
Love is amazing.
People are, well, fascinating, and it’s amazing that we can get along.

And we get to experience them.

That there is any world here to experience is amazing.

Believe in God or not.
But just stand and breathe for a moment.
Just look and see what is here.

If all we had was just a moment of experiencing the world, isn’t it amazing?

What about a moment?

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One of the best-selling toys our culture has produced is the ever-pretty Barbie, by Mattel.  As the father of a former young daughter, I have experienced first-hand the playing, dressing and accessories that Barbie brings to our world. It was a positive time of fun as well as social exploration and learning. When my daughter became a teenager, I remember when she decided to remove her Barbies from her bedroom, and it was a strong and sad moment for me. I felt that I should have spent more time sitting together with her, combing Barbie’s hair and play-acting adventures in the safety of our home.

But one of the finest compliments my daughter ever gave me was saying that when she was growing up we made her feel that girls can have any career — that there was nothing a girl couldn’t do. When she got to university she said she was surprised at how, even in our modern equality-sensitive world, there are many young women without the foundations for success.

While some people are not keen on Barbie’s pink color scheme or her stylized body, I prefer to focus on the positive aspects of sharing, community and fun that Barbie-land brings to children. While there is little doubt that daily life rarely achieves the idyllic stylings of a doll’s world, Barbie and her friends provide frameworks for children to explore the concepts of beauty and community, of careers and possibilities.

As adults we know that life can be hard, but we keep on trying to make our world better, both for us and our children.  We come to appreciate the more subtle and fleeting moments of beauty in our world, and rejoice when we reconnect with the happy times of our youth.

I recently visited Toys-R-Us, a Mecca for parents seeking to start or augment their own Barbie-land. 

A man had just arrived, and as he looked around at the cavalcade of pink my heart reached out to him. He pulled out his cell phone, knowing he was in over his head, and wisely called his wife or sister to help him.

He was part of a centuries-long chain of dedicated parents and caregivers who want children to have not just fun, but a time of peaceful wonder,  discovery and beauty — to know possibilities and to not feel limited by anything. We want that for children, whether we had that in our own childhood or not, because that is what we want for ourselves.

So when someone says “Stop and smell the roses” I often think of them as pink roses, and I remember the joys and possibilities of Barbie-land.

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I love music, and I always have. It makes my body move and my spirit soar. I have many favorite songs and passages, and I can listen to them repeatedly — thrilling to the skill and nuance of the performers.

My brain plays songs I’ve heard, like a tape recorder in my head.  But sometimes it plays songs I’ve never heard, and those are the hard ones for me to hear, without the skills to make them real.

When I was in first year university I lived in a residence with many other young men. It was a mix of hard working students and party lovers, all learning to live away from home. Many people left their hallway doors open, and there was a real community feel in the dorm.

One of the guys on my floor played classical guitar, and I often heard his skilled and melodic playing floating down the hallway. I was a shy person but, drawn by the sound of his guitar, I introduced myself. Over the next couple of weeks I often spent time sitting in his room, listening to him play. He wasn’t limited to classical guitar — he could play anything, from folk to rock. It was amazing and wonderful to hear up close.

One day when I dropped in my friend was reading a book. He welcomed me, and as I sat down he saw me looking at the guitar. “Pick it up,” he said. “Give it a try.”

I carefully picked up his beautiful acoustic guitar and clumsily sat it across my lap. “You won’t break it,” he said. “Just try.”

I had no clue about notes or how to play, and the sheer number of frets was intimidating. But I plucked out some notes, slowly and quietly at first, and then more enthusiastically. I was surprised by the vibration of the guitar — of the physical pulse that accompanied the start of each note. It was an extra dimension that a non-musician would not have experienced.

With my friend kindly appearing to ignore me and read his book, I tried playing a bit more. After a few minutes of fiddling around I found a series of notes that sounded good to me, and my awkward fingers somehow got them into a loop. It was fun!

Just then another guy from the floor came into the room. No doubt he had heard disturbingly awful playing coming from an otherwise quality guitar.

“That’s not how you play,” he said, shaking his head and frowning. “That’s no way to play a guitar.”

My gut wrenched, and I felt a wave of shame and regret that I had dared to pick up that guitar. I have no memory of anything my friend might have said at that moment. All I remember is a dark hole being punched through my fledgling attempt at music, and then a lot of years passing. I still loved music and appreciated musicians — even more than before — but any thoughts I had of playing music were kept small out of a fear of rejection, and easily brushed aside in the busy-ness of work and family.

Last year at Christmas I received some money as a gift, and with it I bought myself a beautiful guitar, which looks a lot like the one my friend played at school years ago. It sits in the corner of my room — a reminder to appreciate our world’s creative and musical communities, and those who encourage them.

Sometimes I pick it up.  I have taken guitar lessons — from a skilled and lifelong music teacher — so I can play a few chords.

But I can never get back those years when I was a vulnerable young man trying to play music for the first time. I was an impressionable, sensitive person who a jerk successfully shot down.

My son playing my guitar on stage. Please encourage the musicians and artists in your life.

I have a son now, just a bit older than I was in this story. He is a wonderful guitarist and musically skilled in ways that I admire but can not quite comprehend. He has tried to teach me some music, and has encouraged me to play more. “You’re over-thinking it,” he has told me, no doubt correctly.

But the extra 30 years of life have changed my brain, and are not easily erased.

If they could be, and I were back in that dorm room, I would wish for two things to have happened:  My guitar-playing friend would have kicked the jerk out of the room and told me in a clear and supportive voice, “You’re doing great. Keep trying”.

And I would have kept trying — enjoying and knowing how to play a musical instrument.

Please be a patron of the Arts. Whether your child or friend loves music, drama, dance, art or writing — please be supportive and encouraging. The Arts and our community, not money, are the collective value of our world.

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Taylor Swift is a talented and insightful musician

In a recent song by Taylor Swift, a young woman laments that her guy-friend cannot see that she would make a great girlfriend.

The song, titled “You Belong with Me“, is beautifully written, with a simple, down home beginning and a strong, soaring finale.

Listening to the song it is easy to ask, “Why is this guy so blind to what is right in front of him?”

As the singer narrates, the young man is attracted — as our society encourages — to a different woman, a fancier woman, who wears short skirts and high heels. The downside? His current girlfriend doesn’t get his sense of humor, like his music, or have a clue what his story really is.

Is this situation a surprise to anyone?

In an age where fashion and entertainment are key elements of society, many people fall prey to the Emperor’s new clothes. Both men and women are besieged with images of glamor and persistent promises of happiness through ownership and how we look. We are told, repeatedly and every day, what’s in right now and what to buy to be cool.

But as most people learn, pursuing what is cool is an endlessly moving target — achieved for brief shiny moments — and driven largely by companies intent on slimming our wallets as they sculpt our look.  Fashion can be fun, but it can mask who we really are, and keep us from what might really make us happy.

In Taylor’s song, the young woman wishes her friend would see how she is a better match for him, but she does not directly tell him.  She is exasperated by his failure to see her true heart and value, but is either too shy or too proud to tell him.

This is an unfortunate side-effect of a culture encouraged to surpass and achieve more — where honesty and humility are valued, but less than we deserve.

[Note: In the music video for the song, the song's two characters do communicate better, passing "text" messages by writing on pads of paper.]

“You Belong with Me” is a wake-up call about valuing the people in our lives, and a reminder for all of us — to know and show our own hearts — to let our real self show through the fashion and possessions.

If every last shred of designer-wear were to disappear from Earth, we might look a little less fancy, but we would more clearly know and show ourselves.

It is the heart of each person that we need to recognize and care about.

Know your heart. Show your heart.

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