One of my favorite summer flowers is the garden geranium, with its beautiful, summer-long color. It is the type of flower that you can count on, week after week, month after month. With only a bit of watering, and some essential pruning, they will continue to make your life brighter.

Growing up, our family hung white pails of red geraniums from the trees along our laneway. They were a cheerful sight for guests and part of the colorful backdrop for my early years.

What I didn't know then is that it is the pruning of geraniums that keeps them looking so wonderful. Yes, they'll survive if you just water them, but after a month they'll have a browning collection of old flower clusters — masses of former glory — that stifles the growth of the new blossoms.

On a geranium, removing the old flowers is easy. There's a single stem that holds each cluster, and you can quickly break off the old bits with your fingers.

But unlike flowers, when it comes to people's lives, former glories can be hard to prune away and leave behind.

Each of us has memories of great moments in our lives — our successes and our achievements. They were the times when we came out on top, either on our own or as part of a team. By the time we are adults, there can be all sorts of glory days to remember: Sports victories, school successes, business coups, art show ribbons, as well as outrageous but successful exploits of all types.

Memories of our past victories can be great fuel for our lives, giving us confidence, and reminding us that we can do it if we really try. They can boost our reputation, and help us reach new and better goals.

The problem with glory days is that they can become less of a trophy and more of an anchor, dragging us into the past. The change occurs when we stop using our previous successes as fuel for our future, and start thinking that either our best days are behind us, or that we can rest on our laurels.

A big part of moving forward with our lives is changing our focus from me to us — from our own victories to shared successes — from "I can do it" to "we can do it together." 

Life's best moments, for people of all ages, are usually the times we share. They are the times we are together, helping each other, and bringing our personal strengths, feelings and knowlege into play. Life's great times are when we are sharing the task and the fun. Sure we want to get things done, but it is the sharing of community that makes life special.

For many people, the years of competitive school, sports and work environments have left them thinking that their contribution time is over — that they haven't got what it takes anymore. But while youth does give an advantage when it comes to running a touchdown, people of every age can be a part of important projects, including social and community efforts.

And while it is true that it takes money to live, there is much more to life than money — and almost all of the really good things in life start with a smile and an offer to spend time with someone, helping.  Which would you prefer to say: "When I was 20 I won a football trophy" or "Later today a bunch of us will be helping fix up the community centre"?

Whatever your age there are opportunities for you to help make our world better, and for you to become happier.

Our glory days are still ahead — and we are going to share them.

Bruce Springsteen, in his song, Glory Days, talks about the problem of living in the past: Now I think I'm going down to the well tonight and I'm going to drink till I get my fill. And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it but I probably will. Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture a little of the glory of.  Well time slips away and leaves you with nothing, mister, but boring stories of glory days.

Be a part of your community. Find ways to share your strengths and time on projects that matter to people.
You will find there is great joy in helping others, and that our glory days are still ahead.

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In celebration of Mother's Day:

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We see fire hydrants every day, fortunately not often in use. But there they stand, along our route and near our homes — silent, patient reminders of our shared commitment to safety and community.

The fire hydrant, or "fire plug", dates back to the 1600s, when fire crews would prepare a water source by digging deep into the ground to reach the water table. Afterwards, they covered the well with a plug, so that they were ready. When a fire broke out they'd remove the fire plug and use a bucket brigade — a human chain — to move the water to where it was needed.

Fire hydrants are a great example of how previous problems can lead to not only solutions but commitment to our shared success. While no-one wants to experience such trouble up close, knowing that there is a chance for relief and support can give us all confidence and security.

Recently I saw a truck with two new fire hydrants, on their way to being installed. Like much of the infrastructure we depend on, including our electrical supply, the strength of fire hydrants is hidden — supporting what is visible — built on the endless river of human experience, ingenuity and compassion.

While each of us has our own walk in life, it is good to know that our families, friends and community are there to help. We are each other's bucket brigade. We are the strength around us.

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We have all heard the saying “You can’t take it with you.” The saying is very old, though not as old as the Egyptian pharaohs, who stocked their pyramid burial chambers with lots of goodies for the next world. The pharaohs thought of themselves as gods, so if they wanted to bring some golden cats into the next world then surely that was going to happen.

The recent touring of His Extreme Highness, King Tutankhamun (King Tut to us disrespectful peasants, and Tut to his buddies) showed lots of King Tut’s stuff, but no sign of his re-embodiment in the next world. Most likely he wouldn’t want to be hanging out in museums with cellphone-packing peasants anyway.

King Tut has moved on, but King Tut’s stuff is still available for ogling and historic analysis. In other words, he didn’t take it with him.

While Tut spent his pseudo-powerful lifetime building a pyramid and carefully planning his personal journey beyond this world, our own journeys focus on more local travel, powered largely by good will and moderate prosperity.

When we think about what we can take with us, we are mostly thinking about how much will fit in our luggage or the car.

What we maybe don’t realize, is that even for travel in this life, the most important things we bring with us are within us.

A friend of mine took a business trip into Mexico recently with his colleagues. On a drive between cities they came upon a bridge, on which there were many beggars — destitute and seeming without hope. As they drove across the bridge my friend spotted a pregnant woman, and felt a strong need to help her. Looking into his wallet he saw his last $20 bill, so his companions sifted through the ashtray change and gave that to the woman.

My friend felt the need to help, and did something.

He felt compassion, and took action.

As it turned out, when he checked his wallet later, he had two more $20 bills. It made him sad, realizing that he could have helped more than he did.

But he had sensed the need to help, and had done something. Not nothing, maybe not a lot, but something for someone in need.

The strong, deep urging each of us gets — to help someone — is built into us.  It is part of why humans have survived long past the days of the pharaohs, and it will still be part of us when our focus on money is over.

Along life’s highways, each of us can bring something important: a willingness to help others. And since no-one gets a smooth ride through life, each of us can benefit from being helped.

Which skills we have and what resources we have varies from person to person, and from moment to moment. But even the poorest of the poor can be willing to help, and to share a smile.

Studies have shown that the happiest people are not the richest — but regular folks who care about others, and who share in community.

Whether in small ways or big ways, wherever we go, we can be someone who helps others.

Here is a hand, reaching out to help.

Be the hand.

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One of the most important milestones in a person’s life is when we learn to walk. This usually happens around 14 months of age (not at “one year” as the round-things-off folks tend to say to worried young Moms). While crawling lets us move around the room a bit, it was only when we started to walk that the doors opened to the horizon and to our futures.

In our earliest days of walking we are always with our parents, as they show us the world nearby. Hand in hand, we are guided in safety. We get to see places that service our family’s needs, such as grocery stores and gas stations; and we get to see entertainment venues, such as playgrounds and friend’s homes.

But the first time we walk somewhere on our own is the real start of our journey of life. It is exciting! It is eye-opening. It gives us power — to be able to choose where to pause and where to look.

And as each of us learns, walking also requires care. When we walk we are choosing our destination, our direction, and even each step. Each of us has been en route, and wondered if we really should be going there. Each of us has paused en route, to make sure we are on the right road. And each of us has stepped on glass or stumbled on rough ground. Those are moments of being aware — that we are on the move, and needing to take care of ourselves.

Out on life’s roads there are many opportunities and pitfalls, encouragements and distractions, friends and villains. We learn, through our own experience and others’ good advice, to make progress.

For most of us, life has many journeys — some long and some short. Sometimes we complete them — to fanfare or with personal satisfaction; and sometimes we change our plan, or get forced off the road by events within or beyond our control.

What we learn is that we can’t make progress without goals and determination. As Lewis Caroll, author of Alice in Wonderland, said: “If you don’t know where you’re going then any road will get you there.”

It can be hard to know what to do with our lives. There are many choices, and our society douses us with competing demands and noisy voices, from the media and people in our lives. It can often seem easier to go with the crowd’s ideas — to follow along. But we are all individuals, and unique, and our path through life must be the one for us.

I remember being in my second year of a Biology program, and all around me were excited students deciding to apply for medical school. It would have been easy for me to get wrapped up in that goal, and for a week or two I considered it. But after thinking about my own feelings of life as a doctor, with its long hours away from my family, I knew that path was not for me.

It was a classic example of the benefit that comes from calm, personal assessment and awareness. It helped me understand that we each need quiet time, to pause and consider.

We also know that life brings new situations, and those can lead to changes in our path and destination. Sometimes, when we are in the middle of a storm, it can be very hard to know where we are, let alone decide if we need to change directions or even start a new journey. This is when it helps to be honest with ourselves, aware of our feelings, and open to good counsel from someone who cares about us deeply.

Life can be better when we have both personal determination and a willingness to share our heart and feelings with trusted companions.

Sometimes we cannot see what others see, because we are wrapped up in our own thoughts, concerns and history. We might see a tangle of trees in our way, while someone else — with a different vantage point — can guide us to the edge of the forest.

Sometimes our path is solid and we need stay on track, while other times — particularly when we are hitting repeated roadblocks — we can help ourselves most by letting a caring person help us — to understand where we are right now, and to see if it’s time for new choices.

For those who feel depressed or anxious about how their life is going, I offer two great encouragements:

1) There are people who can and will help you, if you let them. You probably already know who they are.
2) And a quote from the movie, Vanilla Sky: “Every second of your life is another chance to turn it around.”

No matter what mis-steps you’ve taken in the past, you can move forward with one good step.

As we wind along our crossing paths, the people we meet are all moving through their lives — on their journey to enlightenment and, hopefully, joy.

We are all travelers, moving through life, taking one step at a time.

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My Twitter friend, Mike Todd (miketodd07), was out raking today, and sent this tweet:

Raking leaves in the sunshine, listening to Owl City on the iPod, thinking about poetry.

So I wrote this poem on Twitter:

Leaves & sun, together,
sounding crisp & smelling soft,
like earth and summer memories,
fallen but still remaining and reminding.

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At the core of our lives are two powerful traits: responsibility and compassion. While they sound like lofty ideals, responsibility and compassion are actually life’s calls to action, built into each of us. We know there are things we should do, and we know when we should be helpful and sensitive to others.  Knowing these things doesn’t make us responsible and compassionate — it is acting on these feelings by participating.

When we are young, most things are done for us. Mothers, fathers and caregivers watch over us, and try to give us what we need — both physically and emotionally.

As we get older, we learn skills and develop an understanding of the needs and emotions of both ourselves and others. Life prepares us, step by step, to move beyond receiving to giving and doing.

By the time we are teens we understand the power of action, and experience the sometimes unsettling shift to our own vital role in making things work out. We become aware that there are things to do, and feelings beyond our own that are worthy of care and consideration.

While each of us needs times of rest and self-focus, being active and involved provides satisfaction and a joy of life that is felt on many levels.

As any elderly person with arthritis will tell you, there is a joy to being able to use our hands. Our bodies and minds like to do things, and there can be pleasure in simple chores — even washing the dishes or taking out the garbage. Human hands are wonderful creations, and using them to help ourselves and others is not just their essential purpose — it physically feels good!

Responsibility and compassion are essential for all successful relationships. We live in community, and though each of us needs our private time, being involved with others is a big part of our lives. When we make the shared parts of our lives better we all benefit. The key word here is “better”, and as anyone will tell you, “better” doesn’t happen on its own — making things better takes action; it takes effort.

There is a special, intense feeling of joy when we bring a smile to others. Some of the best smiles result from sharing a moment of appreciation, celebrating our shared efforts.  It is a smile that says “We are doing this together“.

When times are tough, knowing that someone cares brings strength and hope, but when someone takes action we see our situation improving, and that is a powerful inspiration for people.  Seeing progress — even a slow, small bit — can be like a train starting to move out of the station. It is exciting even if it is mundane, because action moves us forward.

Each of us has personal goals, and knows how good it feels to have something we care about work out. The same positive feelings are experienced for the goals we help others with. In fact, helping others can feel even better than helping yourself.

While ideas and knowledge are good things, it is the doing of things that makes life good.

There is a happy middle ground between exhaustion and idleness, and between servitude and insensitivity — it is being responsible and compassionate.

When we share in what needs to be done — helping each other, and being sensitive to each other’s feelings — we can get the right things done. We can help things work out.

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Stepping into my father’s workshop always takes me back in time. Not only are my parents collectors of memorabilia, but they continue to make good use of the things they already have. So when I look around my father’s garage I see tools that have existed since I was a boy, including a vice, a band saw, and various ancient screw drivers.

While my mother prepared our lunch, my father showed me his latest project – to add a second door to the front hallway, to keep the cold air out, but with a window to keep the light flowing in. Their front door already has a window in it, so a second door with a window would let my parents keep the natural light.

Being a resourceful person, my Dad took an unused door, removed a wooden panel, and was busy inserting a Plexiglas window into its heart. It was at this stage of the project that I arrived – to help my Dad nail in the Plexiglas.

As he prepared to starting hammering, a big smile came to my face – he was using the same finishing hammer that I had used as a boy. It was a bit more worn now, but it was still the same light-weight hammer I had used, before I was strong enough to use a regular hammer.  But in my Dad’s case, he knew that this job required a finishing hammer, so that is what he was using.

My role turned out to be supplying my father with one inch finishing nails, one at a time, while he hammered them carefully into place. He has a steady, practiced hand and not once did he bend a nail or dent the door with an errant hammer blow.

As I watched him working carefully and skillfully, I remembered my own hand on that hammer, and him helping me on projects. To be working together, with the simple job of handing him the next nail, was a sublime and satisfying joy – one that transcended the moment — connecting the two of us through years of building and sharing time together.

One hammer but many moments together – the joy of working side-by-side is not secondary, but the most important product of my father’s hammer.

If you enjoyed this article, please read my poem about cleaning my son’s workshop area.

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	Make a big deal of everything. Sure, we all have things we really care about, but what do we gain by insisting it’s our way or it’s no way? Stress. It’s amazing how the tension evaporates from our shoulders when someone says, “I’m fine with that”, or “That could work.”
	Have the wrong pet, or be the wrong owner. If you think your pet always looks like this, or perhaps that your pet would like to kill you, then it’s time to think outside the litter box. Your style might not work with this pet, and changing how you spend time with your pet might make you both happier. Or maybe someone else might love the little scoundrel more.
	Make your mother look like this. Everyone wants to be treated with respect, or at least with courtesy. Know when you’re having a bad day and don’t take it out on those closest to you. They love you, but hey, you have a lot of say over what words come out of your mouth.
	Eat a lot of junk food. Eating a lot of fatty snacks is a wonderful luxury, and a growing source of grief and grumpiness. When we put on pounds we lose the spring in our step, and like it or not, feeling heavy is a drag. When did we forget how fantastic fruit is? Be an emperor and eat some grapes!
	Insist on doing life on your own. We all need some time to ourselves — even extroverts (such as when they vote). Everyone needs to have friends, to share good times and get through bad times. When we think that two heads aren’t better than one then we’re also saying two hearts aren’t better than one. People need community, and it’s often just a smile away.
	Don’t get enough sleep. This is an excellent way to make not only yourself but lots of people around you grumpy. And unlike eating too many fatty snacks you can generate gallons of grumpiness very quickly. There are some types of fun that require staying up really late and listening to either drunken people yelling or long-dead actors on TV. But surprisingly, most things in life can happen within our usual sleeping cycle.  Cut out a bit early and wake up feeling refreshed.
	Drink more than you know you should. What are we, still 15 years old? Bio-chem students might seem a bit nerdy but they do know an essential secret: that alcohol at high levels is toxic, messy, and a great source of vitamin G (yes, G is for Grumpiness). Don’t be like this pumpkin — all orange and dumping their insides. You’ll still have fun.
	Try to do too much. This isn’t just about work, but about all areas of our lives. When did overdoing everything become a national contest? There will always be more things to do than we have time for and the skills for. Working together on projects is a great way to make headway and to share the joy of progress. We need to be able to say “no”, ask for help, and find a new balance of quality and quantity. If your life is a parody of a soccer Mom then it’s time for a time out.
	Treat small mistakes like the end of the world. Things go wrong — every day — but rarely will they bring down the sky. We have a vested interest in the current moment of our life and when it goes wrong it can surprise us. People can get frustrated and defensive. They can even go beyond grumpy to all-out anger. Be kind and forgiving to yourself and those around you. Instead of making a big deal, try a shrug and say “Oops” when things go wrong. You’ll find most mistakes are quickly forgotten.
	Take all the credit. We all contribute, but in different ways. Each day is part of a long term project called life, and the task that just got done is threaded through the lives of people who helped along the way — whether you know or appreciate them or not. Celebrate victories with gusto, and small successes too — prevent grumpiness by acknowledging shared efforts. We aren’t living in cold caves like smelly cavemen. Enjoy sharing the spotlight, and be thankful for living in community.

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Having dinner with friends at a nice restaurant is a wonderful event. You are with people you love, being served excellent food that arrives without any effort by you in the kitchen. The air is filled with laughter and storytelling, and time rolls backward as you reconnect with friends with youthful exuberance.

I joined five friends recently for just such a marvelous evening that had all of these great things and more.

Arriving at the restaurant we found the place  buzzing and busy, with hostesses taking names of eager diners and every table taken. But two of our group had arrived early and threaded us, skillfully as scouts, to a temporary table in the bar area. The evening was on, and so were we — funny stories, delicious hors d’oeuvres, and cheerful but persistent offers from some fellows standing nearby to pay us if we gave them our table. It was a super supper time. After waiting a while for our dining room table we gave into their persistence, and our timing was perfect — it was just as a hostess came to guide us to the dining room.

Before leaving the bar area we heard a train and saw someone outside in the dark. The restaurant had once been a railroad station and the trains still trundle by, tinkling the wine glasses and surprising the diners. We didn’t know why this man was out there but as the train slowed down it seemed likely that he might be catching a free ride, from the outside of our fancy restaurant to the outside of somewhere else.

I took a photo of that moment, when my heart wobbled from joyful camaraderie to wanting more — not for me but for this man, and everyone who’s not yet coming to dinner.

It is good to have times of feasting and celebration, and important to work with compassion and determination toward a future when more of us will have enough.

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